Overcoming Ungratefulness
Although ungratefulness is not a vice that kills someone, many marriages, friendships, and relationships are greatly harmed because of a lack of gratefulness. Words, actions, and gestures may be shown towards someone, but when gratitude is not reciprocated, soon the person feels used, abused, and unappreciated. Ungratefulness is a poor quality that many kids are growing up with, either because they were not taught how to show basic gratitude, or because their parents never learned gratitude in their own lives. It’s not enough just to say, “Well, I am grateful even if I didn’t say I was.” Gratitude that is unexpressed is not gratitude. An ungrateful person is considered an unthankful, unappreciative, and unpleasant person, and no one enjoys being with that kind of person. Whether through words or actions, gratitude must be expressed. According to the Bible, a man that has friends must show himself friendly (Proverbs 18:24). So how can you show or express friendliness and gratitude to keep friends instead of lose them? Let’s talk about how we can easily slip into the category of being ungrateful, and how we can overcome that annoying habit.
Gratitude is important!
According to 1 Thessalonians 5:18, God’s will for you is to give thanks in everything. No matter the situation you are in, God wants you to be thankful. It is easy to complain and criticize, but it almost seems like strenuous homework to show gratitude. Are you thankful when the car is broken down, when you’re feeling sick, and when you have more bills to pay than money to spare? It’s easy to show gratitude to God when all seems to be going well, but the test is when life seems to be beating you up. God wants us to come into His presence with thanksgiving (Psalms 95:2; 100:4), sing to Him with thanksgiving (Psalms 147:7), pray with thanksgiving (Colossians 4:2; Philippians 4:6), and abound with thanksgiving (Colossians 2:7). God loves to hear His children praise Him by giving Him thanks. Whether you praise Him through prayer, singing, or telling others about God, don’t forget to thank Him. Are you thankful for and to God? Then tell Him! God loves when His children praise Him.
But let us also remember to be thankful to those around us. Too many people forget to say the simple words, “Thank you.” Whether someone paid you a compliment, gave you a gift, invited you over, or simply showed a nice gesture, never forget to say, “Thank you.” In a day of emails, texts, and social media, the old traditional thank you card is often considered archaic. But a thank you card would do good to both you and the person to whom you write it. Break out the old ball point pen and card. Jot a short letter of thanks to those God has put in your life. Write a list of those you’re grateful for: parents, spouse, children, friends, spiritual leaders, coworkers, teachers, or siblings. Now write three or four sentences to each of them expressing your gratitude. Place it in an envelope and mail it or give it to them the next time you see them. Your expression of thanks will make an impact. And when you’ve long forgotten about the letter, they will still remember.
Why should we be thankful?
When was the last time you realized that everything you have comes from God? According to James 1:17, “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights.” There’s nothing you have that did not come from God. Your position or blessings in life are not merely a result of your abilities. Your health is not simply because you exercise or eat well. Your children are not a result of your being a good parent. All you have that is good is a gift from God. From the air you breathe to the influence you’ve been given, all of it is a sweet gift of God. The last chapter of the book of Psalms, the longest book in the Bible, contains only six verses yet says the word “praise” thirteen times. God wants His children to praise Him, and God has been so good that we have innumerable reasons to praise Him.
Thankfulness begins in humility.
Being thankful, in my opinion, is rooted in a realization that you are not better than others. Not being thankful comes from a feeling of expectation or entitlement. If they were doing what they should, why should I thank them? So they did or said something nice to me, but it’s because I deserved it. If these last two sentences reveal the way you think, you probably think too highly of yourself. God is good to you because that’s God’s nature, not because you deserve it. And people might be kind to you, but you should never bank on the fact that it’s because you deserve it. If you feel you are unworthy of the kindness of others, you will be thankful for every small thing. If you feel you deserve a certain treatment, you will rarely be grateful. Ungratefulness is rooted in pride whereas gratefulness is rooted in humility. Think more of others and less of yourself, and you will be more of a grateful person.
What are some ways to show thankfulness?
Since we’ve already alluded to some of these, allow me to quickly list a few ways you can show your gratitude to others:
- Tell them. Next time you see the person you are grateful for, look them in the eyes and use your words to tell them. Whether publicly or privately, they will remember your words well after you say them.
- Write them. We know the apostle Paul loved those he worked with because he wrote it down so they could read it.
- Purchase them a gift. This has more to do with the gesture shown, not the amount that was spent. A gift card, chocolates, or something small says a multitude.
- Pray for them. It might sound cheap or even cliché, but if you genuinely pray for someone, it means you are thinking of them. Paul gave thanks to God as he prayed for those he loved (Ephesians 1:16, Colossians 1:3, 1 Thessalonians 1:2, 2 Thessalonians 2:13).
- Spend time with them. Spending time with someone is a bold way of saying you love them. Children, a spouse, and family would rather have their loved one’s time than their money. Years ago, I heard someone say that you spell love with the letters “T-I-M-E.”
Let’s close out this chapter meditating on the hymn entitled “Revive Us Again.” The song speaks of a personal revival to praise God. All the praise belongs to Him!
We praise Thee, O God!
For the Son of Thy love,
For Jesus Who died,
And is now gone above.
Hallelujah! Thine the glory.
Hallelujah! Amen.
Hallelujah! Thine the glory.
Revive us again.
All glory and praise
To the Lamb that was slain,
Who hath borne all our sins,
And hath cleansed every stain.
Hallelujah! Thine the glory.
Hallelujah! Amen.
Hallelujah! Thine the glory.
Revive us again.
Excerpt taken from book Overcomers, A Study on Gaining Victory Over the Obstacles in Life by Jeffrey Bush