When Is It Time to Leave? Wisdom, Family, and the Myth of the Perfect Line (Part 6)

Part 6 of a six-part series on Suffering, Wisdom, and Staying on the Mission Field - This is a series is taken from a Missions Class at Vision School of Missions led by Missionary Kevin White. The book by Don Mingo, "The Cross-Cultural Worker's Spiritual Survival Guide 14 Tips to Help You Thrive in Your Calling," was used as textbook and resource material for discussion.

One of the hardest questions a missionary—or any Christian in ministry—can face is:

“Is it time to leave?”

• Leave a country.
• Leave a city.
• Leave a particular ministry role.

The problem?
There is no simple formula.

But there are some guiding principles that can help us pursue wisdom instead of reacting in fear or pride.

What not to use as your main indicator

1. “It’s hard, so God must be closing the door.”
   If difficulty automatically meant “leave,” Paul would have never stayed anywhere:
• Beatings, imprisonments, riots, shipwrecks… and yet, he stayed as long as the Lord led.
2. “It’s easy, so this must be God’s will.”
   Sometimes ease is a blessing. Other times it may signal that we’ve chosen comfort over calling.
3. “I feel discouraged, so I should go.”
   Discouragement is real, but it is a terrible compass.
   Many people quit right before a breakthrough.

What should factor into the decision?

1. Real danger, not imagined danger

In one South American country, there was a month-long national strike:

• Roads blocked everywhere.
• People walking long distances to get groceries or to church.
• Occasional threats of violence.

Some missionaries decided to leave for a time. Others stayed.

The key factor for one family:

• The protesters were not targeting foreigners or Christians specifically.
• The situation was chaotic and uncomfortable—but not personally aimed at them.

Contrast that with a scenario where:

• Foreigners are being actively hunted, kidnapped, or killed because they are foreigners or Christians.

In that case, leaving may be the wisest and most loving choice for your family and long-term ministry.

2. Your family’s actual condition—not your idealized expectations

You may be willing to endure almost anything personally.

But:

• Is your spouse quietly breaking under the strain?
• Are your children living in constant fear or showing serious symptoms of emotional distress?
• Are you seeing spiritual damage—not just discomfort?

“Without our family, we don’t have a ministry.”
Caring for them is not a distraction from ministry—it is ministry.

3. Wise, outside counsel

You are not the best judge of your own condition in crisis.

You need:

• sending pastors,
• mission leaders,
• trusted fellow missionaries nearby,
• and mature Christian friends

who can speak honestly into your situation.

You need people who will sometimes say:

• “Brother, this is really hard, but we think you should stay.”
• or, “For the sake of your family and long-term usefulness, we think you need to step away for a time.”
3. A commitment not to make permanent decisions in extreme moments

A wise rule of thumb:

Don’t make big, life-altering decisions when things are very bad or very good.

• When things are horrible, we tend to overreact and run.
• When things are amazing, we tend to assume we’re invincible and overextend.

Major decisions are best made when:

• We’ve had time to cool down,
• we’re thinking clearly,
• and we’ve prayed and sought counsel.

Don’t confuse grace with cowardice—or courage with pride

Missionaries sometimes feel trapped between two accusations:

• If they stay, people may call them reckless.
• If they leave, people may call them cowardly.

That’s why we must aim to please God, not people.

Sometimes grace looks like:

• Changing fields because of a child’s serious health condition.
• Temporarily relocating during targeted violence.
• Stepping back to address deep family or marriage issues.

Other times grace looks like:

• Staying when many are leaving, because the Lord has given peace and clear confirmation.
• Enduring discomfort, unrest, and risk that isn’t directly targeted but is simply part of life in that place.

Whatever you do—deal with the underlying issues

If you leave the field:

• Don’t just disappear.
• Be honest with your leaders and supporters.
• Address the spiritual, emotional, or relational issues that contributed—so that, if God opens the door, you can serve again in the future.

If you stay on the field:

• Don’t ignore warning signs in your soul or family.
• Don’t use “sacrifice” language to cover over pride, fear, or unresolved sin.

There is no perfect, universal line.

But there is a wise, loving Shepherd who knows your frame, your family, your context, and your future.

If you seek Him, listen to His Word, and lean on wise counsel, you may not have certainty in every detail—but you can walk forward in faith instead of fear.

Reflection Questions

1. What have you typically assumed about missionaries who leave the field—have you tended to judge, sympathize, or just not think much about it?

2. Which of these is more tempting for you personally: staying in a hard place out of pride, or leaving too quickly out of fear or discouragement?

3. How could you start building a circle of wise counsel now, before a crisis comes?

4. Think of a big decision you’re facing (or may face someday). How could the “don’t decide when things are very bad or very good” principle help you?

5. If you were on the field and seriously considering leaving, what would you want your sending church or board to do for you in that moment?